absolute truth - part two and three

did you read my previous remarks on this subject? (part one)

part two is actually covered by some remarks i made the other night here : People who want to appeal to "absolute truth" (or just Truth, with a capital T) might consider the comparative benefits of pursuing the value of Openness - which I have provisionally defined as my commitment to always ensure (to the best of my ability) that there is space for people around me to speak. While Absolute Truth is proving to be hard to nail down, Growing Awareness is a spiritual discipline that might produce surprisingly good results for people longing after Truth...

ok, so part three...

Elaine is thrilled that she's got her body back. Being pregnant takes over your whole body. It's an amazing process and all, but it's also the most overwhelming alien invasion... A women's body, especially in the last few weeks, is just not her own... So, after courageously giving birth to our daughter, one can't blame her for feeling happy to have her body back!

But this morning she mentioned to me that for a moment she missed being pregnant! She said it felt strange feeling that emotion - such a strange contradiction of her other feeling of being glad it's all over...

My reason for telling you about this (and breaking my wife's strict no-personal-stuff-on-the-blog-or-in-sermons rule) is that it wonderfully illustrates something about human identity. Those who build their understanding of reality on "Absolutes" usually assume that every person has a True, Essential self. it might be hidden under some layers, but if you dig deep enough, there you will find your true self. presumably, there will be no contradictions or paradoxes there. Your True self is clear about what she wants, who she is, why she exists, etc. So, the argument goes, if you're feeling confused, caught between two rival feelings, ask your True Self which of the feelings is most True...

I grew up taking this "Essentialist" view of reality for granted. More recently I encountered other ways of viewing reality. A non-essentialist view of human identity suggests that there isn't one "thing" that defines you. You are a composite creature with many identities... Take me for example: I am Barry, minister, father, husband, man, child, son, rascal, rebel, friend, etc. - and those are just some of the nicer words that try to describe me. The more I reflect on this whole question of "Who am I?" (which is a common pop-psychology question - needs to be followed by a rub of the chin, a meaningful sigh and a "Hmmmmm... interesting!") the more i become convinced that this is essentialism trying to limit identity to a True Self, which I am not sure exists.

The reason I like the alternative view is the space it gives for the tensions of being human. I can feel happy and sad and not have to feel that the tension must be quickly resolved for fear of being regarded as "confused" - or even worse "irrational". The complexities of life are just far better appreciated if I am able to view life - and people - with a Curiosity that asks questions about the complexity rather than with a Judgement that asks "but what do you REALLY want?" or "but who are you REALLY?" or "What is REALLY best for you?"...

So, Elaine is happy to have her body back. and... sad that she's not pregnant anymore - a little bit of grieving the loss of the incredibly intimate connection of a baby in the womb... Hmmmm, interesting!