friend or foe?

have you noticed how powerful Silence can be. I'm still not sure if he/she is a friend or foe! Silence creates space and makes room for rest and re-creation. but Silence is also a sneaky accomplice to heinous crimes of the worst kind...

my life if full of words - and speaking. sometimes i think i'm paid to speak. and sometimes i think I'm jsut plain full of myself "and love the sound of my own voice". either way, Silence is the best medicine. She allows me to retreat to a place of solitude where I am able to rest and be restored in the Values that I have confidence in. She is gracious and gentle - imagine, not having to say anything! What a relief when so much of my life is judged by what I say and how convincing I sound and how entertaining i am... etc...

but Silence has a dark side. I know of many people who are in unsafe relationships but feel trapped - fearful of the consequences of breaking the silence and speaking about what is happening. The story goes something like this: something aweful happens. sometimes the perpetrator impresses on weaker victim the consequences of telling. Silence becomes accomplice... aided by Fear. sometimes the victim chooses Silence because of a twisted guilt - blaming themselves - or because of the shame associated with telling the story. Even if the perpetrator regrets their actions, Silence makes it possible for a repeat of the aweful thing, or worse. But many perpetrators do not regret. They are actually masters at employing Silence to ensure that their behaviour is not detected, and can carry on unabated.

People are left trapped in abusive homes. Families live with aweful secrets. Partners live in fear, in a downward spiral with no hope of a way out. And Silence is the fence-sitter, never lifting a hand to intervene, harming lives not by his actions and choices but by his lack of action.

There's a saying that I like because it conveys hope: "the truth will out" I'm a little less hopeful about the "truth" coming out these days. seems there is always another side to every story, which makes me reluctant to judge and cautious about anyone claiming to have "the truth".

But perhaps there's another Value (other than Truth) that can guide me here. I'm still not sure what word to use to it.

As I reflect on the power of Silence - and specifically the harmful potential that it has - i feel motivated to always ensure (to the best of my ability) that there is space for people around me to speak. the only way of counteracting the harmful potential of Silence may be to remain committed to an openness in relationships that creates space for people to speak their thoughts and feelings without fear. I'm sure that this is an important value for home life and intimate relationships. I'm also convinced that this is an important value in the work-place, especially for people in positions of authority in the work-place.

I try to read the Mail&Guardian newspaper on a regular basis. One of the things I love about the newspaper is the fact that almost on any given Friday, you will find a letter containing quite harsh criticism of the M&G, published in their letters column. I also enjoy their common practice of allowing the "right of reply" to anyone who has received critical report. And occassionally when there is a difficuly issue being discussed, two reporters will write editorial comment from opposing views. We so desperately need to encourage open conversation, that includes criticism and challenge. And for the this quality of Conversation to flourish WE need to embrace the value - we need to be willing to listen to criticism (not just be keen to give it.)

so, finally, a question: what do you think your partner/spouse/best friend is afraid to speak to you about?