finding a voice

i have been thinking lately about how little we really actually change. I began writing on this blog with the value of Integrity as a theme. By Integrity, I mean an integration of all the things that have been broken, separated and polarised - at great expense to the health of humanity (well, let's just say, at great expence to my health adn wholeness).

One could say this thing about being "open" and "real" is a bit of "hobby-horse" - it's my little soap-box.

And then the other day I remembered an experience from my early childhood. My family were in the car on the way to church, where my parents were quite involved members. My dad was a senior leader... He and I were having an argument in the car which was not resolved when we arrived at the church. He wanted to stop the argument as we got out of the car, but I wanted to carry on arguing - citing "honesty" as my reason... "if we're going to shout at each other in the privacy of our car, why shouldn't we shout at each other in front of fellow church members?"

(by the way, the photo is not me - it's of my dad, Guy Marshall)

I remembered that incident with such vividness, and the effect was to make me ask - has anything really changed? I'm still on about the same old hobby-horse that I was when I was a teenager, 25 years ago!!!

But then I had another thought - is this my Voice? Is this the thing that I'm being asked to say, with my life?

Perhaps for some people this message simply isn't relevant. They are healthy and balanced in the area of Integrity and so they find my dwelling on the topic a little anonying. But perhaps, for people who have struggled with the Dualism that has severed their lives (and all of life) into binary categories of good and evil, right and wrong, light and dark, private and public etc.. - this is the word of encouragement that they need to hear. Perhaps, also, there are faith communities, that need to hear this word. A challenge to wholeness and integrity, where faith and life, religion and politics, secular and sacred... have been dangerously kept apart...

Am I finally realising my humble significance in this life - not to do extraordinarily great things - just to speak (live) the message that I've been asked to speak/live, to embody a value that many of us need to embrace, to bring a gentle challenge in one aspect of life where there is imbalance and unhealth?

am I discovering my Voice? (my dad would say I discovered it far too early...!!!)

what I like about the idea of finding my voice is that it helps me to have a limited, and therefore hopefully a humble view of my significance. the thought also makes me wonder about other people's Voices? People I respect and admire - I wonder if they have discovered their Voice... Perhaps they are speaking, but are yet to stumble on the simple realisation that this is the thing they are called to say...

Have you discovered your Voice? (and, do you feel confidence to speak with it?)